Geeze Louise....

Luci,

Well hon, I can't really tell if its the followers fault, or if its St. Pauls fault.

I mean, he was *technically* the first Pope, y'know? So he should have put an end to the whole celebrating yule like its my birthday. But no, he just let it happen.

I mean, I understand that there was some serious persecution, but where was the faith that my dad would take care of him? Yikes.

Anyway, No sorry, I completely did not get your invite, thanks. Now mind, if you're still sending stuff to my old address, then obviously it isn't going to get to me. And as for the keg stand--I don't really do those anymore. Got boring after a while. Sad isn't it?

I can imagine how nice it must be down there right now. You really should hop on up here though. (And to be clear--by here I mean Earth, not Heaven, of course. Could you possibly imagine the look on my father's face if I invited you up there? He'd crucify me again!)
I'm quite sure you'd enjoy all the drunken debauchery. I certainly do.

So hey, Mike was actually just reminding me about that party in the desert. He was wondering when you were going to throw another one. He'll be so dissappointed to find out he missed it.

And speaking of Gabe, have you seen him around your area lately? He's been popping in and out of Heaven and Earth a lot more than usual. I think my dad's got him checking up on certain "undesireables". I'd keep a look out if I were you.

Right then, I have to go. I'm in Michigan right now on some chick's computer, and she's making these wonderful smelling cookies...they smell a bit like almonds. I simply must go try one.

Sweetness & Light, and all that rot.

~Jessi

(And yes, yes, before you even ask, I have been reading entirely too much Harry Potter recently. I can't help it, its an addiction. Bloody Hell!)
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butter

Another year bit the dust.

Jessi,

I'm not sure if I should give you my congratulations on another making it another year on this planet or not. I mean, it isn't even really your birthday tomorrow. Isn't it sometime in August or something? Are your followers really that idiotic? They don't even know your own birthday? That's just sad. I guess I should be glad that most people seem to follow you and not me. I don't have to deal with them as much.  And while I'm at it, I guess I should be glad that I get the day off tomorrow too. More time to catch up on Days of Our Lives... Oh! And I can watch that marathon of "A Christmas Story"! Sweet!!

Oh, where were you last week? Didn't you get my invite? I had a fantastic party down here. You know, the luau theme works well down here. Especially since I've got all these people down here to roast in the fire.  I even had fun drinks in coconut shells with little umbrellas in them. You remember. Like when we were hanging out in the desert that one time. Hell, your buddy Gabe was here and Mike made an appearance. Where were you? I was hoping you would try that keg stand again....

Anyway, I've got to run. I've got an appointment with my solicitor about that property up there in Mexico. I'm trying to see if I can get it set up to have some people work with the Mexicans as punishment or something.

Fire & Brimstone
Luci
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Delusions of grandure much?

Luci,

While I am highly amused that you think I care about your opinion, I have to say this: Thou art suffering from delusions of grandeur, dearie.

First of all, Humanity as a whole can honestly go fuck themselves. They have not proved themselves at ALL, and frankly the fact that dear old dad wishes to bring 1000 years of peace or whatever it is, for Them, is a little far fetched.

Its the christians I want you to stop fucking with. More specifically the Catholics. I know you must have planted some agents in there, because there are a lot of things they say Dad and I are against that...I really don't remember saying I was against! Dad might have, but he is so seriously behind the times, its rediculous! But thats beside the point.

Second, I didn't mean *this* war in the middle east--this one was almost completely all humanities fault, with no help from either side. I know dad didn't make Bush, and you have protested your innocence so I can only assume that he's a product of all the polution, junk food, and other things that Humans have created and destroyed and whatnot.

No, I was talking about the conflict in general. Even back when we were in the desert, the Middle East was highly volatile. I just assumed that you had something to do with it....which you probably did, being the root of all evil and such.

Oh and I know you aren't behind *all* the possessions. But I'm sure you have some demon minions out there, set on destroying some pathetic little humans life.

Truth be told, a lot of the possessions you see now adays are bored Angels. They can't appear like in the old days and have some fun, so they get their jollies in other ways. It's sick I tell you, but there it is.

Also, let it be known that my attention span is *not* small, but I understand you're too busy doing nothing to notice that.


Don't write back soon,

Jessi.

p.s~ Can you please tell me where they got the idea that I hate gay people? I *know* I never said that, Dad stopped being a dickweed about that long before I was even born the first time around--so where did that rediculous notion come from? Did you put that in there just to fuck with us? If so, please choke on a spiked, aids infested dildo and die. </3

p.p.s~ By the way, how have you been since that time in the desert? I was going to look you up a couple years ago, but dad put me on prayer fullfilment duty. As if I haven't done enough for him and humanity already. I mean I fucking died and it fucking <i>hurt</i>, why do I need to keep proving myself!? Father's suck...
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evil toaster

RE: To "Satan" from "Jesus"

Jessi,

Got your little note. Personally I think you should keep away from my little playthings that you call "followers". I did make them for my own amusement. Whatever you've been told about them being your followers is wrong. They're my entertainment and I enjoy watching them destroy themselves. It's called "free will" for a reason.

Secondly, I have had nothing to do with the warring in the middle east. Sure, people blame me for it and I'm not that upset by it, but I think you should talk to your dear old daddy on that one. He's the one who made that idiot President and he's the one who started it. Not me. I was too busy watching old reruns of The X-Files....

While I've got your attention (as small as it my be) I do have to say that while I may have got away with  the Spanish Inquisition I am very disappointed in the fact that you "followers" try to blame me for posessing people. Really. Come on. I've got much better things to do with my time then randomly posess people. Maybe you should make an appearence in a slice of bread and tell them to get psychiatric help.

Lots of fire and brimstone.

Luci

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To "Satan" from "Jesus"

Luci,

Please to be keeping your dirty mits off of my followers! Just because you got away with the spanish inquisition (you little bitch you...) does not mean you can continue to mess with them!

Also, will you please stop with the warring middle east bit? Its getting really old--and thats old coming from me!

No love, and really wish you'd stay in your play pen,

Jessi